Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Cheese Knees

 You know who I love? One of my bestestestest friends, Peter Kiedrowski.  And guess what?  You're going to love him too because he's the new super hilarious, pee-your-pants-inducing GCS guest blogger! HOORAY!  Please be nice to Peter and laugh your ass off and try this delicious Polish grilled cheese he has so graciously created.


What you have here is one of the finest grilled cheese ideas of all time.  This chee is unlikely to have ever been attempted on American soil, so this is groundbreaking stuff right here.

This particular cheese is called Oscypek (pronounced: Ozlsg@qyhdypekek).  It's a smoked cheese made of salted sheep's milk from the Tatra Mountains region of Poland.  I plagiarized that straight out of Wikipedia.  Please feel free to explore more fascinating deets
here.  I discovered this seductive brine-soaked, 14-day-smoked bundle of goodness last year when I visited Kraków, Poland.  Yeah, that's right.  I do things like GO to Kraków

This sandwich has been known to make hardened men cry.  It's warmed up on a grill and then drizzled with some hot strawberry jelly.  It tastes as if the sheep that birthed this smoky-salty treat was milked by the gloved hands of an angel.  A real one, straight outta heaven. ::Lowers sunglasses::

I honestly don't know where you can get this cheese, besides the tiny Polish market I go to in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.  I literally went into a restaurant close by and showed the most authentic looking Pole I could find a picture of this cheese on my iPhone.  She nodded solemnly and without a word walked me to the
Driggs Meat Market and found it for me.  Thank you, my little droga!

Anyways, let's get to it. 



Ingredients:




- 2 tabs of salted butter, 
- a few slices of Oscypek cheese (let's say sliced a quarter inch thick),
- 2 slices of rustic white bread
- strawberry jelly (NOT JAM!!!!) 






 

 Put that chEEse on that brEAd!  



Spread that jelly on the belly of that cheese. You may be concerned, thinking "hey that jelly is gonna soak up my bread when I grill it. That's not a good id..."  You're wrong. DEAD wrong...



There's another layer of cheese, ya dummy!  Your jelly is fortified, ready to become magma hot. It's a sandwich WITHIN a sandwich, get it??  It's symbolic.  Try wrappin' your brain around THAT!
 



Oh lordy.  Control Daddy, we got a sandwich ready for takeoff. The jelly is filled, we are thrilled.  Requesting butter support.  Come in.  Over.
 


Read'ya loud n' clear, Hawk Panther.  Butter is prepped for landing!  Clear to bring'er on home.  Over


KSSSHH! Hawk Panther, this is Moon Duster. Grillin' has commenced. We got a golden crust comin' on strong, grilled to unthinkable perfection.  Angelic fingerprints all over this one. Over.




Moon Duster, this is Butter Pecan.  Grillin' complete.  We're ready for pick up.  Get yer no good carcass up here.  It's chow time. Over.  




There ya go, kid.  You made it, and now you’ve got yourself a world class sandwich.  Mind you, this is a Thick and Heavy cheese, so for best results, I recommend you inhale it, much like a honey badger, whilst it's hot.  Be sure to drink plenty of fluids too!  You don’t want to be searching for Gatorade streams in the middle of the night.
P.S. Good news!  You can now order Oscypek online hereYour life is about to change!  

xoxo,

9 comments:

  1. Man, I effing love jam or jelly and cheese. I do it on my blog all the time.

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  2. OMG this looks AMAAAZING. I'm going to make it right now

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  3. Best chese of whole Poland. make father cry and proud is my country! Girlled chese is best of blogged!

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  4. this looks delicious!

    check out & follow our blog!
    http://kimchicsisters.blogspot.com/2011/01/snow-homemade-waffles.html

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  5. Pete you are hilarious and i miss you - Amelia

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  6. Hilarious! Looks delicious too!

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  7. I don't get it... watch's wrong with jam? also... what's wrong with jelly soaking into your bread? I am so confused.

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  8. Genious! I had to try it, but I used jam - a taste test with jams. Strawberry tied with apricot. The traditional lingonberry was a distant third. Thanks for sharing!!!

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