Thursday, August 2, 2012

The Buffer

So after writing last week's post and reading all of your comments, I've been drinking a lot thinking a lot. Can failed relationships really that fun to read about? Although I think that y'all actually liked my sob story (seriously, thanks for the comments), I feel as if last week's post may have pulled some heartstrings and might have made you feel bad for me. I know that everyone can relate to heartbreak, but that's not what I want this blog to be about. I want it to be about ridiculous stories and awesome grilled cheese sandwiches. So here's one funny breakup story to even me out from last week's disaster.


When I was a junior in college, I was recently single and was inadvertently rebounding with hot, tall, kind-hearted pianist dude who was a super-talented with his mouth. Although I had no real interest in playing the piano, my id told me it was a good time to start. I'd taken lessons when I was younger but quit when my piano instructor, who was about three hundred years old, died - just days before my first recital. After telling him about my unfortunate piano history and how I had always wanted to know how to tickle the ivories, he told me he'd give me some lessons. Of course, being the opportunist that I am, I went with it. So after a sessions of hanging out on his bed piano bench, fluttering my lacquered lashes, perking up my boobs, and laughing like he was the funniest thing in the world, I had a few songs memorized and a certain someone off my mind.

As we started hanging out more regularly, we took a road trip with some friends to see  Radiohead. We had the cheapest seats possible and had snuck a ton of booze into the venue because there was no way in hell that we were going to pay $10 for a bud heavy. Half a water bottle full of tequila later, the boy and I totally tricked the bouncer into letting us snag some seats in the third row. At that I point was pretty wasted, but I can vaguely remember sloppily making out while they were playing "All I Need" and feeling like this maybe wasn't a rebound after all. But then, as soon as we got back to Tallahassee, I guess I WAS NOT all that he needed because he totally dumped me for some spray tanned Hooters waitress.

Yes, a Hooters waitress. A shiny-orange-shorts-wearing-camel-toed-Hooters-waitress. She might have even been a stripper. At least that's what my friends told me, but I think they were just trying to make me feel better. But I get it, I get it. Free chicken wings and big ole titties are very appealing, especially to a 22 year old man-boy. At the time I was truly devastated. How could some girl with frizzy bleach blonde hair, dark roots, and scrunchy socks be more appealing than me? I knew about cartoons, could cook amazing stuff when I was wasted, and I could even quote Mr. Show. Isn't that what every boys wants? Hahaha. Yeah, right, not so much. Now that I'm 26 and haven't seen a Hooters retaurant, let alone a chicken wing waitress, in like 5 years, I think it's the funniest break-up story ever. I totally got dumped for chicken wings! Or maybe it was the blow jobs that he was getting in the parking lot after she hooked him up with a free meal.

And although this grilled cheese has absolutely nothing to do with Hooters or shitty boys, it is really good and I think you'll dig it. Oh! And of course, you voted for it on Facebook.




Grab these goodies and go with it.




Ingredients:

- 1/3 cup of crumbled feta
- 2 tbsp of roasted red pepper relish
- 1/4 cup of fresh baby spinach
- 2 slices of seven grain bread
- 2 pats of salted butter
- 1 pinch of dried parsley










Just like the beginning of every single post I do, the first step begins with sprinkling on some cheese. This salty, moist Greek queso doesn't really melt but it does get all soft and creamy. Just like your brain feels when you start to fall for someone. Then it hardens up to a dried mass of disgustingness that's similar to when some dingdong dumps you for a Hooters waitress. Just kidding. I'm not bitter about it anymore, I swear.


Then spoon on some of the red pepper relish. Its tart, sweet bite contrasts nicely with the saltiness from the feta.

I think that opposites attract but I wouldn't take dating advice from me.


Then for some freshness, add a few baby spinach leaves. I think these tender-hearted veggies add a nice textural variation and it's a good ingredient when you need to switch it up.


Sprinkle on some more cheese for good measure... if you haven't scarfed it all up yet. Emotional eater.


Add the top piece of bread and wait four years until you can laugh about that one time when someone cared more about buffalo sauce and ranch dressing than your chilled out demeanor and cool dance moves.


Turn your griddle to medium high, blast your sandwich press with some fire, and melt some of that butter alongside that dried parsley. Gah, her skin was really dry , too!  Place your sandwich on top of the melted herb butter. When your press gets super hot, carefully pick it up and sear the crap out of your grilled cheese.


It'll look like this! No false intentions or misleading bullshit with food.



Now let it sit for a minute until it becomes a funny story that you can blog about in a couple years.

 
And in case this whole story made me sound like a complete bitch, there's nothing wrong with being a Hooters waitress. Actually, if you are, I'm a little envious. I could totally use a boob job and some chicken wings tonight. Thanks y'all.

xoxo,

GCS

20 comments:

  1. 1. This sandwich looks amazing.
    2. You are HILARIOUS!
    Hope you're feeling better ; )
    www.poolovesboo.com

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  2. You might be my favorite person ever. We need to be best friends. Another great blog... another great grilled cheese. I'll be making this this weekend! late night... sunday morning... i dont know, but it'll be delicious and i cant wait

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  3. humor and grilled cheese are my two favorite things, and you never let me down!

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  4. Hi! I never comment on blogs but I have read every single blogpost on this blog... Every day I go to grilledcheesesocialdotcom just to see if there is a new post! I love your sandwiches! And I love how you write and how you are so funny! And I felt really sorry for you when I read the previous blogpost... You'll find someone who appreciates you and your awesome grilled cheeses waaaay more! With love, Phoebe

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  5. I love love how completely frank you are!

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  6. I'm a college student, and I think you just saved my life.

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  7. Just delightful, almost looks virtuous compared to usual gruyere/ham deluxes. Nothing like a break up to facilitate sudden kitchen prowess.

    Ps. If you need a date, we would love to send you on a foodie one, will pick an ace grilled cheese joint I promise. And a stud, obvs.

    Our details, www.socialconcierge.co.uk, get in touch xx

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  8. well that was pretty heavy slut shaming you did. google it.

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    Replies
    1. I never said she was a slut and the point of the post isn't about her. Read my last few sentences.

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  9. Oh yes this is heavenly. I must make this and soon. I think you may have made perfection.

    kayrochelle.com

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  10. I'd pick you, your delicious-looking sandwiches, and your hilariousness over a Hooters waitress anyday... No homo :)

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    Replies
    1. People still say "no homo?"

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  11. Slut shaming? Oh please! That was a great story and that sandwich looks sooo yummy!

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  12. This post is a beautiful disaster, please don't stop.

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  13. I'm sure the Hooters waitress had a wonderful personality...hmmm. Great sandwiches and even better jokes!

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  14. Wow so yummy recipe...you are simply create magic with such cheesy dishes...please don't stop this tasty chain of your recipes..

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  15. If we are allergic to peppers what would you recommend as a substitute? It looks amazing by the way!

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  16. I was here just for the recipe, and then I read your blog and I was laughing! You're a funny woman! Keep it up and remember that we all have to kiss a few toads....at least I think that that's how it goes!

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Oh hey you!