Monday, September 24, 2012

The Bushwick Painkiller

I've only been 26 for a few months now but I'm already starting to feel old. Not aged in the sense of realizing that I'm older than most people at the bars in Williamsburg or as a result from some looming social pressure that's telling me I should have my life together by now. But rather, old in the sense that my stupid body takes forever to get over a night of cheap tequila shots, PBRs, and awkward creative dance moves. I'm not sure if it's because 26-year-olds probably shouldn't still be partying like they're a freshman in college or that my body is actually not able to detox from the copious amounts of poison that I've been putting into it, but something has definitely changed and it's making me rethink those cheap beer shot combos.

A few years ago, my mornings were a lot different. I'd wake up, still drunk from the night before and be eagerly ready to take on the day, even with smeared mascara streaking my face. Brunches at the Metropolitan White Castle, while still in my clothes from the previous night didn't phase me. In fact, while my friends and I were busy downing mini cheeseburgers, chugging cherry coke, and categorizing our friends as either cats or dogs (think about it) I realized something very important - I come up with my best material when I'm minus a few vital brain cells. But I'm quickly realizing that I'm not so hilarious when I'm hungover these days. It's actually kind of depressing.

As I once thrived in my fuzzed out state, I now am a pathetic mess that pitifully texts my roommates "death" which translates as "puhhhlleeasseeeee may I have a bottle of Mexican coke, saltines, advil, and a hug". I'm super lucky that they usually deliver because with their help, I can usually make it out of bed by 1pm without booting. But sometimes I'm the one that receives the suffer-texts and when I get those, I go to great lengths to repay their generosity. That's how this ridiculously insane sandwich was born. That and after staying up really late and watching the Food Network's segment on the Grilled Cheese Truck's fried chicken and waffle sandwich. I think I even dreamt about it that night to be honest.

 

These ingredients will make you and your friends life better...




Ingredients:


-2 undercooked waffles
-1 cup of fried chicken
-4 Kraft Singles
-2 pats salted butter
-.5 tbsp honey
-.5 tbsp hot sauce








So before we begin, let me stress that it's super important that your waffles are undercooked. If they're not they'll end up burning too quickly before the cheese melts and then you'll hate life more than you already do. Trust me.

Ok, so to begin, slap two Kraft singles down onto one of the waffles. Easy, right? See, I do care about you.


Then it's time for the life-saving ingredient - FRIED CHICKEN. I think little nuggets work best on this sandwich but you could totally just use chicken fingers or whatever you have on hand. Just don't use anything with bones on it. That sounds like an awful idea.

When it's all evenly laid out and you're about to chow down on one too many "tastes" of the fried chicken, then it's time to mix the hot sauce and honey together. This is my all time favorite condiment on fried chicken. It's so good. Sweet and spicy and oh so sticky. Smothering it on at this step helps the sandwich stay together so you can eat it when your fine motor skills aren't working so fine.


Now put the other two Kraft singles on top and you're almost done! I know some of you might be saying to yourself "Kraft Singles, WTF? That's not real cheese. What is this nut thinking?" But believe me, Kraft singles melt perfectly and for some reason their artificiality makes this sandwich even better. Actually, do preservatives soak up toxins??


Once this little sammie is built, it's time to heat up the grill. Turn your burner to medium and melt a pat of butter right in the pan. Place the GC on top and let it cook until it gets all crispy and golden and melty and delicious and irresistible. Yes, a sandwich can most-definitely be irresistible.


After grilling for about 4-6 minutes on each side, this bad boy will be all done and will anxiously be waiting to be shoved down your gullet and into your belly. I'd let it rest for a second to let those preservatives in the Kraft singles firm back up into scrumptious artificial cheese goo.


And that's it. Simple, easy, and hell-a good. So whether you make this sandwich for yourself or for someone who probably should visit the hospital to get an IV drip, it's going to be fulfilling, rejuvenating, and utterly dank-licious. You can even grind up some painkillers and sprinkle it on top for a powdered sugar effect but that's probably a bad/extremely disgusting idea so don't do that. The ideas cool though.

xoxo,

GCS

20 comments:

  1. this looks amazingly bad for you and delicious at the same time! :)

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  2. "scrumptious artificial cheese goo" - I love that I know exactly what that means. I just found your site and it is THE BEST! I'm a senior in college and I am a baker, not a cooker, and grilled cheese is my usual go-to for lunch. Now I can try out GC like these (and that one called the WayFarer?! I almost died from desire)

    I just subscribed to you in my Google Reader and can't wait for more! If you like sweet-tooth satisfying baked goods check me out at www.onsugarmountain.com

    ~Jess

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  3. *drools on keyboard* That looks sensational. I think I've figured out what I'm having for dinner tonight. :)

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  4. Supersize it an Fed Ex's it ASAP!

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  5. This looks amazing! I'm sharing it on my blog's FB page at http://www.facebook.com/AlohaYinzMangia

    Keep up the good work @ 26! It's a fun year :)

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  6. bahaha, I just chuckled hard on that last bit. Looks dehlish and love the honey inclusion! <3 Tu amiga en Tennessee

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  7. Girllll... Can I just say that I'm in love with your blog and writing. Hilarious!! And we need more hilarious food writers in this world.

    PS. YOU are still young, so continue to drink up and don't have any regrets.
    PSS. I LOVE that you are't above using Kraft slices. I get a ton of shit from my friends for eating a fare amount of Velveeta, and I swear it's the preservatives that have kept me from getting crows feet and other lines that others at my age seem to have gotten. Ha!

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  8. Wow very nice recipe, thanks for sharing this recipe content

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  9. love this post
    because your article is very interesting to read

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  10. nice post ..
    really very nice your post

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  11. It looks so real you take snaps very clearly thanks for nice Pictures !

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  12. WOW! you are like the cheese queen! Love all your ideas!

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  13. Yep! I know all about this! Hangovers get worse the older you get. I found an herb that you have to get online, but totally worth it, and that with a cup of coffee takes the hangover away in less than an hour! It's awesome! If you want to know more about it let me know. I haven't had a massive hangover in over a year! I'm 34, and don't go out as much as I use to, because my friends all have kids and stuff, so I don't drink often and that's why the hangovers are so bad. I use to party so much back in the day, I built a tolerance to it, but now that I don't drink as much and don't have a tolerance, the hangovers would be killer if it weren't for that herb! It is definitely my go-to hangover cure!

    Sarah
    http://skylarinc.blogspot.com/

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  14. You are soooo funny but factual at the same damn time!!!!

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  15. LOVE the site, LOVE LOVE your recipes.

    And I figured you'd love this article, given your love o' the Tillamook.

    http://www.seriouseats.com/2012/10/we-tour-the-tillamook-cheese-factory-oregon-slideshow.html#

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  16. Oh my Lord!! I can't even lie, I went out and bought a waffle iron for the sole purpose of having fresh waffles so that I could make this sandwich. It is absolutely a.may.zing! I won't be making it often because my waist-line will hate me, but for a special treat, this will be one of my top "go to's". Yum!

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  17. I juѕt retωeeted this "The Bushwick Painkiller".
    Here is my page - Halloween Games online

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  18. Try to catch those pesky tzatziki drips with a napkin – we know how painstaking it is but persevere and try not to throw the unruly pitta at an unsuspecting passer-by or one of your mates.

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Oh hey you!